Tuesday, August 9, 2011

News, recaps, decisions.

Since I now spread my blog posts so far out, I feel like I have to condense all of my current “goings-on” into one big blob, and hopefully it will give me some drive to actually elaborate on the bigger picture of my life in newer posts.

The last time I wrote, it was mainly about my depression and the drugs. All is still well, no changes-which is a GOOD thing. I am actually taking more vitamins and supplements regularly to try and get my body and brain into good shape. I also started really watching what I eat, and so far I have lost four pounds. Yay me! The last time I “dieted” I was pretty manic, so I was writing down every calorie, every Weight Watcher point, bagging things into serving sizes etc.-but this time I am just counting calories via an app on my phone and making better choices.

I took a big leap by going somewhere with thousands of people surrounding me-the A Perfect Circle concert! I can happily report I didn’t even have to drink or take Xanax to “take the edge off” of my anxiety, because I had none! We just walked in, took our seats, and people watched before the show. Afterward we ate at the world famous Pink’s at Universal Studios City Walk.


The hubs and I have been talking about him taking a holiday to the States around Halloween/Thanksgiving, but the prices flying out of Australia were around $2500. I have frequent flier miles on Qantas, so casually I looked up how much it would be if I went there to visit for a few weeks, and the price round trip was $1300. So guess what? I’m going back to Australia! It’s for six weeks, and I am not getting my hopes up for ANYTHING this time, okay?

To my long time readers, who may be wondering why I am only taking a holiday instead of moving like I should be, the main reason is we don’t have the funds to fully settle down in Australia yet. Yes I know, we took a chunk out of our savings for this trip, but we haven’t seen each other in almost nine months, and with immigration taking 3-6 months from when it’s filed, we were looking at possibly June 2012-ish when we really would be settling down again for good. Another reason on my end is that I’m in such a better place going there now than I was when I moved there, and I’d like to go back for a bit with “new eyes”, you know? Maybe everything isn’t so bad.

The day before I leave for Australia to see my husband, I get to see my other husband-IN CONCERT! YAY!!!

Oh My GOD! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!!

30 Seconds to Mars added an extra show in my neighborhood (literally 20 minutes away), and I begged and pleaded with J if I could go. Of course he said yes (I love that man). I got the tickets on a pre-sale, and I am 14 ROWS AWAY FROM JARED LETO. Here, I made a diagram of the awesomeness:

I told my best friend Kato to expect screams and behavior from me like that of a 12-year-old girl meeting Justin Bieber. Yeah.

On a sad ending note, last Saturday my family was playing poker with my grandpa when all of the sudden he started acting funny. After a few minutes he sat on the couch and went into a full-blown seizure. He was rushed to the hospital where they gave him a multitude of tests, all of which were clean (thank Jeebus). They now think the seizure was caused by a mini-stroke. My mom has been staying with him the last couple of days at his house after they released him from the hospital. I saw him today and, other than being wobbly on his feet, he seems fine.

Again, if you are a long time reader, you may remember that my grandpa is A-#1 in my book, and leaving him to go to Australia last summer was the hardest decision out of everything else because, at 84, it really could have been the last time I saw him. I haven’t really thought of those bad feelings since then, but him being in the hospital brought it all back, and it has messed me up. I know if I go to Australia for good anyone can die. It’s life. I just don’t know if I am the type to be able to deal with the overwhelming guilt I know I will feel if I am not there when it happens to one of my loved ones. Thankfully it’s not crippling anxiety (which I am SO GRATEFUL for), but the thoughts still keep me up at night.

So that’s where I am right now. I’m sorry I’m not updating this as much as I should. I suck! But right now I feel like I’m finally on a routine, and I want to keep that going. I will try to fit writing in anyway I can. Promise!

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  1. I thought this was a great recap of what's been going on with you. It sucks about the flight costing so much, but when you only get to see your significant other once a year, it's worth it.

  2. I read it all, and am going to take a while to let it sink in before I give you a witty, insightful comment.

    Stay tuned...

  3. Good to see you blogging again! Glad your Grandpa is OK. Hooray for coming to Australia for a little holiday - we'll be on the same soil :)

  4. Glad your grandpa is ok. Hope to see you round these parts a bit more!

  5. I have been here watching you go through a log sweet thang and it sure feels good to read this positive post. Hope your grandpa fully recovers and I hope your time in Australia will be wonderful and refreshing.

  6. Lovely to see you again my dear friend and so happy to see that things are going well.
    Sweetie, your location wont change what will eventually happen to your loved ones. I would think your family would want you to look to the future with your husband raher than fret about things you cant change.
    When my grandfather became very near the end, he told my mother his daughter to take a long planned holida, even though it was fairly clear he wouldnt survive until she came home. She took that holiday because he wanted her even though she felt guilty. But she would have felt even more guilty by upsetting him and not going. He passed while she was in QLD. But he wasnt alone and it was only his body that left us. His spirit is still here.

  7. Hey there my sweets! I'm glad you are feeling better about everything. I'm also so very glad that your Grandpa is ok as well.

    *doing dance of joy* for you to see your hubs again.


  8. My sweet Hed, I'm so glad to hear you're holding a steady course with yourself. That is great news. Are you still going for counseling? There is such a huge difference in reading your blog now compared to the Hed I met awhile back. So happy. Glad you are going to see hubby. Hope that you can deal with all that you were going through last time you were there. All I want is the best for my Hed. Don't be a stranger. You can always email me! I'm glad your grandpa is doing well. That must have been scary. Hugs....your EC Mom.

  9. I'm happy for you and I hope you can see the vast improvement in how you feel and what you can do from what you reported a few short months ago. I've been down this road and I know how exhausting the whole process of medication/life balance is. I knew it would get better for you and it sounds like it is! Yaay!

  10. I am super duper happy for you!!! Just keep on doing what you're doing. It sounds like you've got a good plan and are sticking to it.Take care!!

  11. i'm glad you're feeling so much better, boo :) please keep blogging when you go to australia, we wanna know what's happening!


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