I figure I should post something since I’m getting tweets from friends making sure I’m okay.
Really, I’m fine.
That’s kind of it. I’m fine. I’ve been sleeping too much, but that’s the medicine, not the depression. Lithium controls the “highs” of Bipolar (still kind of wondering why I was prescribed it when I don’t get “highs”, but it is the gold standard medicine), so it tends to make you sleepy.
Like I said in my last post (over a week ago? Really?), the meds have given me singular thoughts. My brain isn’t all aflutter with thought after thought. It’s more along the lines of Sling Blade now. I’ve gone kind of..blank.
I choose stupidity over depression for now. It sucks because I loooove to write, but the thought of moving forward, albeit in a drug-induced haze, beats crying half of the day away and thinking of suicide. Even the huge task of moving back to Australia isn’t anxiety propelling. There are just talks for now, and it feels like I have a future. I haven’t felt like I have a future for months and months.
I have been reading all of your blogs, even though it takes me up to a week. I am reading line after line because sometimes the words don’t sink in all the way. But I am there, I’m just in the background.
I’m really hoping that after another few weeks or month(s) the meds will finally level out and I will be an okay Hed without the drug fog. Maybe then the urge to write will come back. Maybe then I will be out and about and I will have stuff to talk about. Right now, all I can talk to you about is my sleep patterns and how my appetite has come back (Tiramisu cake pops from Starbucks are manna from heaven). I hope to see you all soon!
PS-I’m still on Teh Twitter if you want to talk or anything. It seems I’m good at 140 characters, maybe just not a whole blog post hee hee…