Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Five years.


It’s been five years today since you died. I still can’t believe it. May 18th comes every year and I remember you are no longer with us (not saying I don’t think about you every other damn day, but this day is more heart wrenching then most).

You’ve missed a wedding. You would have loved J. I mean over the moon loved J. You wouldn’t have been able to understand his Aussie accent, but nevertheless you would be the one to sit and listen as he went on and on. He missed out on meeting you, and I hate that. I hate that he never got to meet you, and hear your laugh. I talk about you so much to him so I can remember the good things and share them with him.

You’ve missed a divorce. I know that you would have been really bummed out about that one, but my brother and the boys are doing great. They are really good boys! Jes is a big old sweetie, and Char is so silly.

You missed your first great-granddaughter. That one is a killer, because she is the apple of all of our eyes. She was born almost a year to the day after you died. G would have made your heart melt, like she does Pop. She would have had you wrapped around her little finger.

Mom misses you the most, I’m sure of it. You were her best friend. You two talked every day, and with all of the health issues that have plagued her over the past two years, she really could have used your support. Pop is a soldier, though. He has really taken on your “role” and does all the family things that you used to do.

I don’t think it will ever get easier, just less painful I guess. I try to picture you, Moo-Mama and Sissy playing bingo in heaven. Sometimes when it got really bad for me I wished so bad that God (or whoever it was) would have taken me instead of you. You were one-half of the rock in our family, and the broken piece that left when you died will never be able to be replaced.

I love you so much grandma.

“Moe” 5.14.32-5.18.06

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  1. That was so sweet. My grandparents have been gone so long I hardly remember them.

  2. Grandmas are something, aren't they? I lost mine 8 yrs ago and there are days where the pain is so fresh I can taste it and then days where it's a dull aftertaste. This letter was so beautiful. Your grandma was a truly remarkable woman. I can tell by the imprint she left on you.

  3. Very sweet tribute to your grandmother.

  4. Her life isn't gone as long as you remember her and share that with us so we can know her too. She really is part of all of you, you probably see that sometimes in the way someone in your family laughs or does something just like she did. That's where her life went, into all of you, she is part of you in the truest sense.

  5. She's looking over you now probably and happy that you still care so much about her. You have a big heart Hed!

  6. Hed...That was absolutely beautiful. You know I love being a grandma and I want my girls to feel about their grandma like I did mine. She's been gone close to 20 years now but I know she's with me and whenever I get the urge to talk to her I do. Always remember the good times because that's what keeps them alive in our hearts.

  7. These posts always choke me up. I went through 27 years of my life before losing someone close to me, so when my dad-in-law passed away, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

    Someone smart told me 'as long as they're in your mind and heart, they're not truly gone...' I think that's true.


  8. Our grandparents' legacies are what they leave in our hearts and minds. Your grandmother obviously left a wonderful legacy. What a fortunate granddaughter you are to have such loving memories. :-)

  9. this was so nice, boo, your grandma would have loved it.

    i've missed you so much.

  10. So sweet... I can't fathom losing my grandma.
    You have an award waiting at my blog!

  11. Just wanted to send you some happy thoughts. Hope you're doing ok.

  12. This was so sweet mama! I've totally missed ya!


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