Monday, April 4, 2011


Before I start my rant, David Lee Roth is the shit. He won in a landslide with 81% of the votes. Good work, Dave!

Don’t forget to vote on this week’s poll!

Last night I felt like crap. I felt like I have 90-year-old bones. I can’t stop peeing. Pretty sure I either have a bladder infection (sorry about the TMI) or diabetes. Seriously, not being a hypochondriac on that one. I took a glucose test about three years and fifty pounds ago, and my score was a 99-100 is the threshold for pre-diabetes and 126 is the threshold for type 2. Two summers ago I passed out at work and my boss called 911. They tested my blood sugar and it was at a 59-normal is between 80-120. Shortly after that I quit and lost my health insurance, so I have never been able to go and re-check. I have a doctor appointment Thursday at a low-cost clinic to try and figure out why I feel like death.

Speaking of doctor appointments…

Wait-speaking of last night first…

So I felt terrible and didn’t want to get out of bed all day. It’s not depression-my psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow (today)-I just have zero energy. I’m not hungry, and if I was, all I would want is Juan Pollo chicken and rice. JP is like a poor man’s El Pollo Loco, and it is amazing. Finally around 8:30pm I put a jacket and shoes on, take my wallet out of my purse, and head down to JP. There’s a line, which is really out of character for this little hole-in-the-wall place. I get to the lady and I order my usual: two pieces of white meat chicken and-

“I’m so sorry! We’re out of white meat!”

What the hell? You’re a chicken joint! Well, what if I order half a chicken instead? Can I do that? “Sure!” Okay, well then I will get half a chicken and a large rice-

“I’m so sorry! We’re out of rice! If you want to wait about twenty minutes…”

What the hell? So I say “arrrgh!” (politely!) and leave to go to El Pollo Loco. A crappy substitute, to say the least.

The El Pollo Loco is closed down. Not closed for the night, it doesn’t even exist anymore. What…the…hell…! I realize I’m not supposed to be eating out this evening, so instead I grab a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Freeze from Wienerschnitzel. Which actually made me feel about a hundred times worse.

I throw my wallet and jacket on the bed and snack on my Freeze. I’m so tired that I crash around 9:30pm, wake up for a few hours, then go back to sleep so I can be refreshed and ready for my first psychiatry appointment.

I wake up exhausted (ugh), but I KNOW I need to go to my appointment. It took me three weeks to find a low-cost psychiatry place, and another three weeks of leaving message after message to try and schedule an appointment, and ANOTHER three weeks before they had an opening. It was okay though. Going to see the med doctor is a big step. Anyone who has been on medication after medication knows that starting something new and trying to figure out the perfect combination and dosage sucks ass, but I am doing it. Is is a giant leap towards feeling better. I have to go to this appointment.

I transfer money into my account, make a list of my previous prescriptions, grab a book for the waiting room, grab my purse and leave 45 minutes before the appointment time just in case there is traffic or if I get lost-the place is over 30 minutes away. Halfway there I am making good time, and I see a drive-thru Starbucks. I order my drink and shuffle through my purse to grab…my…wallet…

OMFG. I don’t have my wallet.

I am twenty minutes away from home and at least fifteen minutes away from my appointment. I call the place to see if I can still come in, just late. Voice mail. I consider still going to the appointment, but I have no forms of I.D. or no way to pay, PLUS how the hell can a psychiatrist prescribe me any medicine if they can’t even be sure who I even am?

I do a U-turn and head home. I am sobbing.

I am sobbing because this was the day. The day I was supposed to feel better. The day I was supposed to feel better because I was on the right track (baby I was born this way! Sorry, that song popped in my head after I wrote that). Nine weeks down the drain. Nine weeks of hurt  and depression that has been so bad my mother considered having me committed. No joke. When I get home I call and call and call the place in the hopes that they can fit me in today somehow, that I can race back over there and see someone and get stuff situated. By the time someone actually answered the phone, it was a half-hour past my appointment time. I apologized and explained what happened (and told them I had left them a voice mail almost an hour ago), and they said they could fit me in.

On April 18.

Fourteen days from now. I f you have ever been depressed, you know that sometimes days feel like years. This is one of those times.

You’ll get it if you know Bipolar.nomedsfffffuuuuu

I was broken down after I hung up. I lay in my bed and slept a couple of hours. When I woke up I put my shoes on, GOT MY DAMN WALLET and went to Juan Pollo for some comfort food.

My only redemption today? The same lady that was working last night recognized me, and I got my food for free.

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  1. It's not months away only days. Good for you for taking this step. Only this time, when you start to feel better, don't stop taking them!!! I know you know this so I'm not saying something out of place. I'm so glad you got an appointment fairly quickly at least. Here the clinics are backed up for months. So proud of you!!! Hugs.

  2. Well, at least you got a free meal. :-) Hang in there, hon....

  3. Who runs out of chicken? Seriously.

  4. I'm so glad they were able to fit you in again :) and the free meal is a huge plus too :p

  5. Honey bun!!! Hang in there!!! I am fortunate enough to not have to deal with depression but I have held the hands of many friends going through it. Making the appointment is the right first step. I know 14 days is a long, long time when you are in the pit, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    On the upside, you got JP chicken and rice for free and perhaps God or Fate or whatever you believe was saving you from something far worse. You'll never know.

  6. This is why you should live near us. Bobina has prozac and I have sertaline and lorazapam. You'd be hooked up. Plus she made chicken piccata tonight. Her sauces are awesome.

    anyway, I hope you get what you need on the 18th. Diamond Dave is terrific. I wish they taught 1978-1984 Van Halen in schools.

  7. I got mouth raped by a dentist and his collection of torture devices for 3 fucking hours today. It is quite possible that I will not be able to eat again.....ever. Your stories of chicken were torture. Torture I tell you!! But I love you and I forgive you. And I have just a ton of respect for you. Every.Single.Day. Things went bad for you today, but tomorrow?? Who knows. It could quite possibley be great. Shake 'N' Bake, baby!

  8. hang in there hun hugs and love the David Lee Roth pic he totally rocks

  9. Free food that is a plus anytime. Of course dealing with Dr's offices can be a bitch any day.
    But when you need meds you have to do what you have to do. I am sorry the wallet thing happened and you have to wait when you were trying so hard to be on time. Better luck next time. Hope the rest of your week goes better.

  10. The 18th is really close. My kids tell me this because they go on school holidays then. And you did the right thing
    You made another appointment. You didnt give up.

  11. sometimes life just deals you the shittiest of shitty days. Today was one of them, tomorrow can only be better. Keep smiling

  12. my mantra...

    hey it really is not fucked!

    and yeah...running out of white meat? and rice? embarrassing..

  13. This is why medical care should be free or at least more readily available. I could so jump on my soapbox but I know you don't need that right now so I will just say you can hang on with me. We sometimes get in our own way, don't we?

  14. I'm not gonna state the obvious...if anyone ran out of chicken around my black ass, it would be world war three around this bizznitch!!!

  15. Bless your heart!I've had days like that, hun. Just hang in there. There is a light at the end of that damn tunnel...eventually!

  16. Hummulababulazeebalabebelahummalebebelazeemelebop

    That's "Dave talk" for Sorry, our chicken is not loco

  17. Hed - days like this are the reason I titled my blog the way I did.

    I SO feel for you. When it's just shit thing after shit thing, and disappointment, and effort and fail.

    Glad you got your comfort food for free, but sorry the rest of the 24 hours was shit.

    Maybe there is a reason you were meant to go on the 18th. I have no idea why or what that might be, but maybe there's a reason.



  18. Barb-That's what my best friend said too-that I can't police my meds and try and figure out on my own when I should stop taking them...I'll do my damndest this time!

    Soapbox and Kitkat-Free chicken balanced out the day :)

    OT-Right? I mean even when KFC was doing their free chicken day they had chicken!

    Torystellar-I really liked your comment today. dunno, it made me feel like there really IS a reason I got moved. I know they switched the doctor on me, maybe this new one will be kick ass?

    Lance-Like on School of Rock? They should make that mandatory in schools, serious.

    SF-YOU HAD TO GO AGAIN?!? DOH! Aww boo you make me all warm and fuzzy inside (not because I'm a sadist, I meant regarding the second part of your comment)

    Becca-He is SO awesome.

    Odie and Lyndylou-Thanks. I'm feeling much better today day new start, right? :)


    Maasiyat-Yep. There has been a few times where my mom wanted me to just go to county and check-in, but I told her I'm not "crazy" crazy and they will just kick me out. It's shitty. I really miss health insurance.


    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Omg, I've been laughing for like 17 minutes!

    Jess-Thanks. Trying to not feel so awful today...just 13 more days...just 13 more days..

    Rafa-After I stopped laughing at Falen I'm now laughing at this. That was awesome!

    StephanieC-Thanks :) I know everything happens for a reason, you know? But sometimes when shit like this goes down I start wondering, "am I being punished for something I don't know about?!?!"

  19. Seems like you had one of 'those' days...I hope it'll be better today, tomorrow and rest of the days....*hugs*

  20. Ahhh honey, we all have those days, sometimes you just gotta let go laughing at those situations. Hopefully the fact of looking forward to the appointment will get you through the next week and a couple days :)

    keep your head up :D


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