Hi everybody! If you may remember from Monday's post, I applied for three jobs out of 1200 last week-a pharmacy tech position, a shift leader position at a hamburger joint, and a cashier at a bakery. I haven’t been looking for manager positions due to my depression issues-because I don’t want stress to overwhelm me. Baby steps. Baby steps!
Last Sunday I got an e-mail from the bakery asking if I could come in that day or Monday. I apologized and told them I was in the throes of a wicked flu, and I would LOVE to come in and talk to them later in the week if it was possible. Saying this was risky, I know, but I really wanted to be at the top of my game, you know? They were really nice and said that was no problem-call when I was feeling better. Phew! I e-mailed them yesterday to let them know the worst had passed, and that if they were still looking, I would love to come in and talk to them.
Yesterday I saw my therapist and talked to her about my issues with social anxiety, and how I used to be a rock star when it came to managing and acing interviews. I told her I used to be able to put on my “happy hat” and ooze charisma. She asked me, “well, why can’t you do that now? I mean, when you’re feeling down, why don’t you tell yourself ‘I’m a rock star’?” I told her because I would feel like a total fraud if I put on an act all the time! She explained how it’s been proven that adjusting your attitude, your posture, even smiling when you don’t feel like it has been shown to alter your mood. I felt better leaving therapy yesterday because I know that if I don’t break my mental cycle, it will always come back one day when I least expect it and screw up everything I build.
So this morning I wake up at 8:30. I check my e-mails, Facebook and Blogger for comments (don’t you? Hee hee). No reply from the bakery yet. I have breakfast, and around 9:30 my phone beeps. It’s from the bakery owner. “Can you come in at 11am today"?” In 90 minutes? CRAP! It’s a half hour away! I have no interview clothes! I run to my closet and find a button-up shirt. I find a box with old clothes in it that I was going to ship to Australia and find a pair of black slacks-two sizes too small. I suck it ALL IN (boys, look away so I can keep my mystique), zip the zipper and have to tuck in the buttons to get them to fit. I also put a black tank top on under my shirt just in case my zipper explodes from the fatness! My mom offers to iron my clothes (thanks mom!), and I do my hair and make-up. I’m out the door by 10:15.
The bakery is so nice and upscale! And it’s busy! I find out they make all of their pastries from scratch and they fly in their bagels fresh from New York. Heaven. I see the owners helping some customers out so I wait. I look around and realize that OMG NEXT DOOR IS A STARBUCKS. That’s a sign! I have to get this job, just for the daily macchiato fix. Oh, and you know, money is important too.
The actual bakery. Ooh la la!
I put on my “happy hat” and sit down with the owners. Channel your rock star, Hed, I tell myself. They are really nice and laid-back. I listen and smile and agree. After about a half-hour the male manager says, “so I’ll start you on the schedule for next week and…”. I interrupt and say, “wait, I have the job?” He laughs and says, “yes!”. I almost did my happy jump-up-and-down clap but I held it in and just said, “YAY!!!”
I let them know I’m available every day except Wednesday afternoons (therapy). Then they say, “you know, we have a manager position available as well, and you have so much experience…” I tell them that for now I’m unable to take that position but would be happy to revisit it in a few months after I get situated there. I know that was also a risky thing to say, but there are a million reasons why I declined the position. I haven’t worked in 18 months. I don’t want to jump in the deep end. Plus the whole manager/stress thing. Also I am driving my mom’s car, and a 40-hour work week would be tough to do since we are sharing it (of course my mom says “you should have taken it!!!” when I get home, but I really am happy and excited for the cashier position). Baby steps!
I want this to work. I want to continue to fight. I have to stay strong. I will leave you with actual pictures of their goodies to get your mouth watering! YAY!
What I brought home today-an apple sweet cream pastry and a red velvet cupcake