Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Hed=0, Braces=2.5?

Holy crap I need braces. Again. For the third time. Serious.

It’s 100% my fault. For anyone reading this with braces:


I got my braces off in November 2008 after wearing them for a year, and two weeks before my wedding. I was so happy to be able to get them off before then, the only penalty being this one stupid stubborn tooth that wasn’t fully corrected. I’m not a snaggletooth or anything, but if I rub my finger on it I can feel it jut out, and it bugs the hell out of me.

I wore my retainer and had a built-in one for my bottom row of teeth. Then I lost it. Completely. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Of course because I didn’t go to the dentist right away because I had just finished spending almost four grand on my teeth and I didn’t want to add another $300 to that, and also I was just sick of all the foreign objects in my mouth (that’s what she said). So I slacked.

Eventually my bottom retainer popped off and I didn’t go in to get that one replaced either. I thought my evil tooth would stay put as long as, before bed, I just pushed on it for a few minutes. Because I have magical dentist fingers? I finally decided I needed to go back to my orthodontist for a new retainer. I explained to hubs that my teeth are worth at least ten grand now, and it would be a slap in the pockets of my mom and myself if I let my teeth fall by the wayside.

You see, when I was a baby I had a calcium deficiency and all of my teeth had to be pulled out. When they came back in they were all capped. I had a grill before it was even a fad.

Nelly, you’re welcome.

When my adult teeth came in they were all buck and funky. It came down to I needed braces. My dad offered to pay for half of them, so mom and I went to some backwoods orthodontist in ghetto ass San Bernardino where they installed my new metal mouth-and then some. I got headgear, folks.

About three months in my dad stopped paying (what a surprise!) and my mom couldn’t afford them. My mom’s friend stepped in to help pay, and I was sent to Dr. Wise (the best dentist on the freaking planet!!!), and they said my metal job was SO BAD from the other place they had to re-do them. With no headgear needed. Yay! Cue the two year montage of me being flat-chested, curly haired and awkward and me stepping into my high school body-and teeth-fresh and ready to work it!

“Lisa needs braces!” “DENTAL PLAN!” (Simpsons inside joke, folks)

But a cute teenage girl has no room in her life for a retainer. So it was thrown by the wayside. Until 2007, when my regular doctor tells me, “you need braces!”. I was floored. But sure enough, a return trip to Dr. Wise (the best dentist on the freaking planet! Serious!!) had me signing my life and dental insurance away on another year full of metal.

I slacked. And now I have to pay (AND PAY-I have no dental insurance now to help cover the cost). Luckily, Dr. Wise (see above for said awesomeness) says I only need a row of brackets on my top teeth for six months to help straighten out Mr. Evil Tooth. So no full rack of braces this time. THIS TIME…..

I tried to find a picture of me with my pretty straight teeth so I could PROVE TO YOU ALL that I’m not a monster after years of work on my ‘mouf, but this was all I got. I never said I was well adjusted, people…


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  1. ouch. i've never had braces. when my parents first got dental insurance, i was nearly out of 2 years of college and insurance wouldn't pay after that. so OUR lovely dentist decided to pull two perfectly good teeth and put in a 4-unit bridge to give me a straight smile. uh-oh... not the greatest plan on the planet.

  2. oh no! are you serious? lol. you poor girl.

    on the plus side, though, you look frigging adorable in that pirate hat.


  3. That sucks.

    But the good news is you were cute in the picture of the braces you posted a while back.

    And I love the pirate hat.

  4. You have a lot prettier teeth then some people I have seen. Such a lovely smile.

    I know not having dental insurance is tough - then again dental insurance is kind of a misnomer - you pay out the wahoo for it and the co pays are huge - but although you have had to go through a lot that is an awfully nice smile even if you didn't get it taken care of and have one snaggle tooth [we can't see :)]

    Keep smiling - that smile could be a whole lot worse. As it is - it is gorgeous.

  5. omg, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that again!

    I've had several friends who've gone through braces and stuff, and it seems so painful (?)

    I myself, luckily, did not need braces or retainer. In fact here in Shitville, while going for my semi yearly cleaning had an argument with the dentist because he swore I had braces in the past.

    A 20 minute argument!!! Seriously!


  6. cute picture and sorry you have to go through the braces again i know that must be awful.hugs

  7. That is a beautiful smile sweet thang.

  8. That is crazy. It's like the torture that keeps on giving.

  9. You are so damn cute. OMG, what a pretty face. Those eyes are killer. And when you're done with braces for the LAST time, you'll feel better too. Hugs daughter!!

  10. Boyfriend had all kinds of problems with his teeth when he was younger. He had braces FOREVER and a bunch of dental surgery and what not. It's been like 5+ years since then and he still complains about it.

    At least its only 6 months though! It could be worse!

  11. That shit really sucks! But it's so worth it! You have a kick ass pretty smile... we gotta make sure it stays that way ;)

  12. Still my favorite pic of you and I have some good ones

  13. Pretty! I like the pirate hat too!

  14. Teresa-Braces aren't too painful once you get the hang of them. It's just the dorkiness that is :P

    Kage-Thanks! You can borrow it if you wanna...

    OT-Maybe braces are my mojo!

    Skippy-Thanks! I know I'm being anal for worrying about a TOOTH, but it's like so much money has already been spent-I may as well see it through, you know?

    CBG-That's crazy! At least it wasn't an argument about BAD teeth!

    Becca-Not awful, just dorky :)

    Odie-Thank you :)

    Lance-Awww yeah! \m/

    FF-Yep, I will forever be awkward!

    Barb-You're too sweet! I'm gonna get cavities from you!

    JM-omg, any more time in braces would be hella expensive too!

    Falen-Thanks! I'm going to do my damndest now to keep them in line!!!

    Shaun-I don't even want to KNOW what incriminating photos you have of me! And thanks <3

    Morgan-Thanks! Best hat ever!!

  15. That is horrible! I had braces a while ago and never wore my retainer either. They are somewhere on the ocean floor right now. I never went back to get a new ones either. Now years later I have one evil tooth that needs adjustment but I won't be fixing it anytime soon, it's just not in the budget :(

    Good luck that evil tooth fixed!


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