Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Hed=0, Braces=2.5?

Holy crap I need braces. Again. For the third time. Serious.

It’s 100% my fault. For anyone reading this with braces:

WEAR YOUR DAMN RETAINER!!!

I got my braces off in November 2008 after wearing them for a year, and two weeks before my wedding. I was so happy to be able to get them off before then, the only penalty being this one stupid stubborn tooth that wasn’t fully corrected. I’m not a snaggletooth or anything, but if I rub my finger on it I can feel it jut out, and it bugs the hell out of me.

I wore my retainer and had a built-in one for my bottom row of teeth. Then I lost it. Completely. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Of course because I didn’t go to the dentist right away because I had just finished spending almost four grand on my teeth and I didn’t want to add another $300 to that, and also I was just sick of all the foreign objects in my mouth (that’s what she said). So I slacked.

Eventually my bottom retainer popped off and I didn’t go in to get that one replaced either. I thought my evil tooth would stay put as long as, before bed, I just pushed on it for a few minutes. Because I have magical dentist fingers? I finally decided I needed to go back to my orthodontist for a new retainer. I explained to hubs that my teeth are worth at least ten grand now, and it would be a slap in the pockets of my mom and myself if I let my teeth fall by the wayside.

You see, when I was a baby I had a calcium deficiency and all of my teeth had to be pulled out. When they came back in they were all capped. I had a grill before it was even a fad.

Nelly, you’re welcome.

When my adult teeth came in they were all buck and funky. It came down to I needed braces. My dad offered to pay for half of them, so mom and I went to some backwoods orthodontist in ghetto ass San Bernardino where they installed my new metal mouth-and then some. I got headgear, folks.

About three months in my dad stopped paying (what a surprise!) and my mom couldn’t afford them. My mom’s friend stepped in to help pay, and I was sent to Dr. Wise (the best dentist on the freaking planet!!!), and they said my metal job was SO BAD from the other place they had to re-do them. With no headgear needed. Yay! Cue the two year montage of me being flat-chested, curly haired and awkward and me stepping into my high school body-and teeth-fresh and ready to work it!

“Lisa needs braces!” “DENTAL PLAN!” (Simpsons inside joke, folks)

But a cute teenage girl has no room in her life for a retainer. So it was thrown by the wayside. Until 2007, when my regular doctor tells me, “you need braces!”. I was floored. But sure enough, a return trip to Dr. Wise (the best dentist on the freaking planet! Serious!!) had me signing my life and dental insurance away on another year full of metal.

I slacked. And now I have to pay (AND PAY-I have no dental insurance now to help cover the cost). Luckily, Dr. Wise (see above for said awesomeness) says I only need a row of brackets on my top teeth for six months to help straighten out Mr. Evil Tooth. So no full rack of braces this time. THIS TIME…..

I tried to find a picture of me with my pretty straight teeth so I could PROVE TO YOU ALL that I’m not a monster after years of work on my ‘mouf, but this was all I got. I never said I was well adjusted, people…

Yarrr!

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16 comments:

  1. ouch. i've never had braces. when my parents first got dental insurance, i was nearly out of 2 years of college and insurance wouldn't pay after that. so OUR lovely dentist decided to pull two perfectly good teeth and put in a 4-unit bridge to give me a straight smile. uh-oh... not the greatest plan on the planet.

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  2. oh no! are you serious? lol. you poor girl.

    on the plus side, though, you look frigging adorable in that pirate hat.

    yarr!

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  3. That sucks.

    But the good news is you were cute in the picture of the braces you posted a while back.

    And I love the pirate hat.

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  4. You have a lot prettier teeth then some people I have seen. Such a lovely smile.

    I know not having dental insurance is tough - then again dental insurance is kind of a misnomer - you pay out the wahoo for it and the co pays are huge - but although you have had to go through a lot that is an awfully nice smile even if you didn't get it taken care of and have one snaggle tooth [we can't see :)]

    Keep smiling - that smile could be a whole lot worse. As it is - it is gorgeous.

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  5. omg, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that again!

    I've had several friends who've gone through braces and stuff, and it seems so painful (?)

    I myself, luckily, did not need braces or retainer. In fact here in Shitville, while going for my semi yearly cleaning had an argument with the dentist because he swore I had braces in the past.

    A 20 minute argument!!! Seriously!

    CBG
    canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

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  6. cute picture and sorry you have to go through the braces again i know that must be awful.hugs

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  7. That is a beautiful smile sweet thang.

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  8. That is crazy. It's like the torture that keeps on giving.

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  9. You are so damn cute. OMG, what a pretty face. Those eyes are killer. And when you're done with braces for the LAST time, you'll feel better too. Hugs daughter!!

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  10. Boyfriend had all kinds of problems with his teeth when he was younger. He had braces FOREVER and a bunch of dental surgery and what not. It's been like 5+ years since then and he still complains about it.

    At least its only 6 months though! It could be worse!

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  11. That shit really sucks! But it's so worth it! You have a kick ass pretty smile... we gotta make sure it stays that way ;)

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  12. Still my favorite pic of you and I have some good ones

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  13. Teresa-Braces aren't too painful once you get the hang of them. It's just the dorkiness that is :P

    Kage-Thanks! You can borrow it if you wanna...

    OT-Maybe braces are my mojo!

    Skippy-Thanks! I know I'm being anal for worrying about a TOOTH, but it's like so much money has already been spent-I may as well see it through, you know?

    CBG-That's crazy! At least it wasn't an argument about BAD teeth!

    Becca-Not awful, just dorky :)

    Odie-Thank you :)

    Lance-Awww yeah! \m/

    FF-Yep, I will forever be awkward!

    Barb-You're too sweet! I'm gonna get cavities from you!

    JM-omg, any more time in braces would be hella expensive too!

    Falen-Thanks! I'm going to do my damndest now to keep them in line!!!

    Shaun-I don't even want to KNOW what incriminating photos you have of me! And thanks <3

    Morgan-Thanks! Best hat ever!!

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  14. That is horrible! I had braces a while ago and never wore my retainer either. They are somewhere on the ocean floor right now. I never went back to get a new ones either. Now years later I have one evil tooth that needs adjustment but I won't be fixing it anytime soon, it's just not in the budget :(

    Good luck that evil tooth fixed!

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