First of all, I was chosen as Copyboy's new blog of the day! Sweet! If you haven’t been, check out his site and sign up for his nifty promotional website Bloggerdise-where you can team up with craftspeople, artists, and the like to set up some kick ass giveaways and specials.
I should probably let you all know that my husband and I are in talks. Talks about us. Talks about me to come back to Australia-eventually. As most of the world knows, America is going to hell in a handbasket and the economy sucks ass, whereas Australia is thriving. J is almost done with school, which means he will be scouting around for IT jobs in the big cities soon. Plus I miss the shit out of him. It’s been almost four months since I have
done seen him. Hell, seeing any man shirtless at the moment makes me break into a cold sweat. I NEED HIM!!!
Jared Leto…hipbones…nooo…stay away!!! Can’t…breathe!!!
Anyway, J likes to use logic more than I do (can’t…stop looking…at Jared Leto as I type…!). He knows that in the long run Australia is overall a better bet for us to settle down and restart our lives together. I told him this time we needed our own place before I come back. Not because my in-laws are monsters-on the contrary, they are saints and the best human beings on the planet-it’s because of all of my issues. I can’t live around essentially strangers who don’t understand me-J has a hard enough time as it is. Plus my food woes increase about a thousand fold Down Under. I just need my own space in order to assimilate in a proper way.
Here’s the first issue I am trying to overcome: If you will remember yesterday’s post, there are a hell of a lot of animals in Australia that I can’t come to terms with. This is a HUGE argument between my husband and I.
Me: Doesn’t it bother you? I mean, you guys just leave the doors open all willy-nilly and ANYTHING can just walk in. For God’s sake Jasper [the dog] almost died from a snake bite in the yard! That could be ME!!!
J: It’s not that bad. Geckos in the house are good! They kill the mossies [mosquitoes] in the house and other bugs. They are helpful and inside dwellings is their habitat.
Me: Doesn’t that strike you as STRANGE?!?! I mean, you have LIZARDS! IN THE HOUSE! ON THE CEILING WAITING TO DROP ON YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN NIGHT!!!
J: No, not at all. What is weird is YOU GUYS. You seal up your houses like they are sterile, and freak out and kill EVERY living creature you come across in the house!
Me: THAT’S BECAUSE THIS IS MY HOUSE! Those bitches are coming into my home turf, and they deserve to die! They are like home intruders coming to rob yo shit! Babe, you really think WE’RE the weird ones? Really?!?!
J: Uh…yeah! I mean it’s a freaking bug! Who cares!
I CARE!!! But it’s just an example of cultural differences. It would be like if I was raised to worship Satan and he worshiped Jesus. You wouldn’t be able to sway me because it would be all I knew. Does that make sense?
As for the animals…I know America has scary spiders and snakes of death. I know they dwell in houses (like black widows can). But my point of view from living in a populated state where there is virtually no landscape left, these animals are RARE and in the wild. All of Australia is wild (in my opinion, except the larger cities-and even J tells me geckos hang out there too-DAMN IT!), and the land is fully integrated into the cities. When I say J lives in the bush, I really mean J lives in the damn bush (sounds dirty).
Let’s compare, if you will. First, let us talk about spiders (shield your eyes if you are afraid, folks). When was the last time you saw a tarantula casually walking around your house? That is the only way I can explain the size of a Huntsman spider, a harmless but GIANT spider. I stole the first picture from Mynx's post about finding a dead Huntsman….on her COUCH. Her living space!!! Imagine if you walked in the house and LAY DOWN on the couch without looking!!! *shudders in fear*
Here’s another picture to try and give you the actual size…
See, J may be able to go “hey, a Huntsman. I will grab it and take it outside and release it into the wild”, but if I saw one of these I think I would tend to react more along the lines of this:
Next, we have snakes. Yes, I know we have snakes in California-even the dreaded Rattlesnake is here. But I live in tract housing, folks. Pretty sure the only wild snake I would see walking down the street is a ball python that got loose from its tank in some creepy dude’s house. Let’s say I walk in the house after J left the front door wide open and some DEATH ADDER is slithering on the damn tile. Then what? Oh yeah, DEATH!
“Hey! Let me in! I got PIZZA, BITCH!”
I’d like to take this moment and share with you a lovely picture of The Strand, a strip of ocean I would be living closest to (you can open your eyes now, no scary animals! Promise!)
Isn’t it just gorgeous? Here’s the thing: See that white square in the center extending from the sand to the sea? That’s a stinger net. That is essentially the ONLY safe place to swim or even step foot in if you choose to get in the water, due to the box jellyfish. Even then there has been known to still be stings because parts of the jellyfish sever off and get through the netting and still have the ability to sting you-causing intense, searing pain and sometimes death. Also on The Strand are cute little mailboxes every quarter mile (kilometer?) that contain jugs of vinegar. Have fun at the beach, kids!
Lastly we have the animal that most people think of when they think of Australia: The dreaded KOALA or what the locals call “Drop Bears”.
No, I kid. I mean the crocodile. Crikey! (Seriously I think Mynx and my husband are going to kill me for this post) I love fishing. When I first visited my future home I was taken fishing on this secluded strip of land on the Anabranch River. You had to drive off-road to get there, and its undisturbed. The entire time I was there I was thinking a crocodile is going to shoot out of the water and eat my leg! Does this look romantic? This is me and J on the river. Aww. I hope I don’t die…
So you can’t swim in the ocean due to jellyfish. Okay, I’ll swim in the lakes! No can do, my friend. Crocodiles are EVERYWHERE!
Are you freaking serious?
I took this video myself during the same trip as above, and I’m even scared of the ones they have enclosed…IMAGINE if I came across one that WASN’T in a cage! (Yes that’s me talking)
”What if he MOVES???”
So yes, this is one thing I have an issue with when moving to Australia again. J may laugh and scoff, but I’m serious when I say these things frighten me! I would love for my American and Australian friends to weigh in on this issue!