I bought a Wii! I bought a Wii! And a Wii Fit!
On Wednesday after finding out my hubs was still alive and well, I went out and (impulsively) bought a Wii. The reason? I’m sick of being fat. The other reason? Social anxiety is slowly creeping up on me and I couldn’t bear to walk into the gym. I mean it’s getting so bad that when I would even visualize walking into a gym just to talk to someone about a membership I would start to fidget and panic.
I have been a bum for five days now. No looking for a job. No schoolwork. Nada. Just switching between sitting at my computer desk and sitting on the couch watching TV. I feel like a zombie this week. I was talking to my best friend about it and he asked, “have you joined a gym yet?” I tell him no. He asks, “why not just buy a Wii?” That’s it! I’ll buy a Wii! That way I can do all this awesome work at home in private where no one can judge me and I won’t look like an idiot. I call around and find a used one and a balance board for the Wii Fit. Woo hoo!
You may be asking, “where did you get this money Hed??” Well, hubs was on board for paying for a gym membership…so I rationalized that we would be saving money if I just bought a Wii. So I bought a Wii. Cue angry hubs mad that I didn’t consult with him first. My bad. I’m good at rationalization, and I’m impulsive. Two pretty bad qualities. After the steam dissipated from his ears, he was okay with it and understood my explanation.
Today I tried out the Fit game. It starts out all cute and you get to create a “Mii”, which is basically you as a Nintendo character. You start out by doing a body test, where you enter in your height, step on the balance board and the game calculates your weight and BMI. This is where it stopped being cute. My little avatar all of a sudden turns from a cute oval shape to a big old circle and shouts, “That’s obese!” What the? How dare you! You’re a butthole!
I thought you were on my side!!!
After the tests the game determines your “Wii Age” by combining your weight, age, BMI, and balance. I’m 30. I got…41? DAMN IT!!! My fat little toon hunched over in pain at the sight of the number, as I did myself in real life!
After I get over the shock of a computer calling me a old fatty, I follow the instructions to figure out my center of gravity. Not bad-it was something like 45% left 55% right. The instructions show how posture really weakens muscles, so I instantly suck in my gut and pull my shoulders back. You’re given some balance tests and then you put in a goal weight and time. I entered 20 pounds in 3 months (3 pounds a week, roughly).
Then I was on to the actual “fit” part of the Fit game. You choose from Strength, Aerobics, Yoga, and other exercises. I choose Yoga. I figure Yoga is kind of the “gateway” exercise, since it’s just posturing and junk. First is the deep breathing exercise. Breathing? That’s my kind of exercise! It was easy and fun to watch your trainer show you how to do the exercise, and also the game shows you a yellow circle which is your center of gravity-while breathing you try and stay in the circle for your posture. So far so good.
Next was the half-moon pose. You lift your arms up over your head then slowly stretch to one side and hold. Oh.My.God. Did my age say 41? It should have said 81 because after about six seconds I was shaking and aching. IT’S A STRETCH! WTF??? When we switched to the other side my arms seemed to have enough because they kind of stopped moving.
I was going to show the exercise, but this was way cuter.
When that exercise finished I got off the board. I felt nauseous. I yelled out to my mom in the other room, “okay! I’m done for today!”. Ugh. Two
exercises stretches and I was wiped out? Am I really that out of shape? I go to the main menu and the game shows you your training time. Four minutes. Yes, I am really that out of shape.
Even as I write to you now, two hours later, my arms and shoulders are sore. Do they still say “no pain, no gain?” Because apparently I haven’t exercised since 1982.
Tomorrow’s another day, though-and I plan on catching up on my school along with my “Simpsons”, and I will master the Fit!!!