Sunday, January 16, 2011

Blog love: A waste of time?


Shout-out to Skippymom at I Make Soap for the JADIP Award!

Contrary to what the title says, I wanted to congratulate my “Aunt” Mynx at Dribble... and my “East Coast Mom” Barb at This and That (as I bounce thru life) for hitting 100 followers this week-way to go, ladies! Also, respect to everyone this week who has received an award, whether this be their first or fifteenth. Now onto my rant.

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend about my other best friend and how much I just want to punch her in the face most of the time (it’s a long story, and it will be written down one day). I told him that when I texted her about moving back to Australia and to read my blog why (because 265 text characters just wasn’t enough enough), she never replied. She also never read my blog…ever, so I took her off the list to automatically get an e-mail when I publish a blog.

My girl best friend and I have a bond, but it’s never been a talking bond (she’s seriously Christina Yang-overachiever and never talks about her feelings), so I thought to myself, if Kato was to write a blog about her life, would I read it? You’re damn right. Every day. If I knew that it was hard for her to talk one-on-one about her issues yet easy to type it all out, I would have that shit linked to my phone even so it would beep when she posted and I could read it right away. I’m like that. Apparently, she’s not, so I stopped sending her my blogs. And two months later I have yet to get a response from her like “hey I don’t get your blogs anymore!”, and that bothers me.

So I’m venting this to my boy best friend, and he says “well Hed, I mean, your blog is pretty self-indulgent”. What the hell? OF COURSE IT IS! It’s my blog! Taken from Wiki: "The personal blog, an ongoing diary or commentary by an individual, is the traditional, most common blog. Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on life, or works of art. Blogging can have a sentimental quality. Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following.”

I explain to him that this blog means the world to me, and it’s a way for me to get out what I can’t normally. He says, “I understand, but a lot of your blog is filler. It’s like ‘yay, I got an award’ or ‘look at this clip’. If you’re going to do a blog, do it. If you’re just interested in a popularity contest and how many readers you have or how many people commented, then don’t. Post what’s bothering you. Post your issues. Post things that matter”. This made me ANGRY!

My bipolar blog had eight followers, and it was the most raw out of all my blogs because it was a BIPOLAR BLOG. When I would have my moments, I would write. When I did my Australia blog, I would post about Australia. When I moved home, I just decided to say f*ck it and combine the two. I’m not happy all the time, or sad (duh, I’m freaking bipolar), and it didn’t seem real if I tried to separate the two. So now we’re here, on Hed Above Water.

Along the way I would click on others’ blog links because I liked reading about other people’s lives. Other people are screwed up too, Hed I would think. I started following some. Others started following me. Cool, if they’re like me they only follow because they like what I have to say, or they can maybe identify with me? I don’t follow parenting blogs. I don’t follow blogs I don’t connect with. What’s the point?

I will totally admit when I would get a new follower my self-esteem rises a little. Or a comment-even if that comment is “nice post”. And awards? That’s like the coolest shit ever. Maybe outside the blog world they don’t understand that our community is a circle, and when someone finds you from someone else’s blog and understands you, it’s a wonderful thing. Again, these are all my thoughts…I could be wrong.

I write because I can. And now that I can, I have to or my brain will explode. I have this HUGE list of subjects I want to talk about-it’s now just about getting the words together to post them. And as for filler? I like my filler, thank you. “YouTube Tuesdays” are a small window into what cracks me up, or moves me. “Hed’s Friday Flick” is something I started because I love reading “average people” talk about movies they loved or hated without the movie critics’ eye. And my “Sunday Shortlist” is something I do when I have a list of awesome things that I want to talk about. What’s wrong with that? I have no life right now. I can’t talk about going to the club, or the bitch at work. I talk about what I know.

I decided after this post I am going to delete everyone off my auto e-mail list (except for my hubs, who has my blog linked to his phone so that when I post it beeps and he happily reads it right away-YOU ROCK, J!). If those people want to read my blog they can manually subscribe to my posts via an RSS feed. Or *cough* my Facebook page. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want to read my blog reading it, or for it to be a chore. Screw that. The minute my writing becomes a bloody burden to read just walk away, okay?

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  1. I also like reading others writings because it means that they are messed up just as much as I am.

  2. If people don't want to read your blog, it's their loss. They are not worth losing any sleep over. For me, my blog is a way to express myself in a way I can't in real life. If others are interested in what I have to say, that's great! But if no one is interested, that's okay, too, because.... my blog is my therapy. :-) It sounds like your blog might be therapeutic for you, too. P.S. Forget the rude people. They are so not worth your time.

  3. you go, girl! i have a 'best friend' that i've known for a long time. don't gasp but ... 44 years. dang, that makes me sound old! we've been 'bestest buds' since we were about 16 - in each other's weddings, etc. she lives about 400 miles from me; has raised two kids, didn't work fulltime until her kids were grown and gone.

    i am the person who initiates and follows up on contacts. i sent her a handmade (with love) card for her birthday; no response. emailed her a few times and finally came right out and asked if she got the card. she couldn't remember - what did it look like. ticked me off so i sent her a picture of it. no response again. my birthday came (and went) without any contact (oh, i also called her on her birthday and left a message on her voice mail; no response). christmas - sent her a very nice handmade card; no acknowledgement. i don't care that she didn't send me a card. i don't care that she's not called (not too much) but - i've had the same email address for years and she knows how to get in touch with me. i can't imagine that her life is any busier than mine. so... i'm just waiting to see how long it takes her to realize i have dropped off the face of the planet.

  4. Sweetie...if we could predict what everyone wants to read about us we'd never have a new follower or a new follower from a new follower. Variety is what makes a blogs interesting in my opinion. The topic might be different but your thoughts and feelings about any topic are still about YOU. You can't try to please everyone. Just write what you want and watch your list grow and grow. I hope that makes sense. And thank you so much for your blog love for me and Auntie Mynx. We are lucky to have hit a milestone but we'd still write what we write no matter what. Love ya daughter!!! East Coast Mom

  5. You are absolutely, positively, 1000% right...if they don't wanna read...change the channel! On the other hand, you're stuck with me :-)

  6. Hugs...and I am sorry that your friends don't understand how much this means to you....
    What may seem like filler to others...give us insight into the person that you are and that's what we care about..I love all of your posts....keep doing what's good for you....hugs and love ya!!

  7. I know others that deal with this with husbands, wives and significant others and I don't understand it.

    Why take something away that means a bit of happiness to a person you supposedly love. It doesn't make sense and I would never keep anyone in my life that derided me for something that supported me.

    Just my opinion Hed. I have seen it far too often in the past few weeks on the net and it is wearing me down that people can embrace so many aspects of the newer media but they refuse to acknowledge blogging.

    I thank goodness that those that surround me love what we do and I don't have to explain it.

    The smile on my face is enough.

  8. OT-That's exactly why I read your blog! HAHAHAHAHAHA I kid :P

    Soapbox-Exactly. I write because it makes me feel better. I don't care if I was the only reader!

    Teresa-It's funny, because I'll bet at this point even a simple reply would make you feel better. How do we get these one-sided friends?

    Barb-I mean, I can't be sunshine or rain ALL the time...I'm a human being! Sometimes I want to write about a funny story, or a sad day. I'm not here to write what others want (you know what I mean), I'm here to get out what I need to get out.

    Dad-I'll take my chances with you :)

    Colenic-Hugs back. Thank you for saying you LIKE my filler!

    Skippy-Like your picture haha? It's true. I mean I made my blog semi-public so my friends and family could maybe get an idea of why I am the person I am right now. It hurts though when they choose not to care :(

  9. hey! i like your blog just as it is.

    if we all wrote the same shit, our blogs would be pretty fucking boring, wouldn't they? ;) and i don't think you need to separate your blogs into topics; anything that makes you YOU belongs here. and that includes which youtube videos make you laugh, or which blogger bestowed an award on you this week, or why today you feel a bit blue.

    we wanna know about YOU! that's why we come here.

    there's no blogger paradigm you're supposed to match, no standard you're supposed to meet. you write what you wanna write and post things that interest you, and that's how we get to know you a little more each day :)

    i think your blog's fantastic.

  10. right on girl!

    and you are hosting the JADIP blog this week!!! i will be pimping you out every post this week!

    so many great comments from your BIA!

    and comments are just as important to most bloggers as what they have to say, cuz it validates someone hearing you!

    but even when i have no commenters, i still blog! why? because it is what i do for me!

    my bff has never read my blog...ever..cuz he thinks it is all just things he has heard before...his loss. still my bff, but so out of this important part of my life.

    congrats on the PETEY!
    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  11. Why would you continue to let others' actions dictate your actions? Continue to send update emails if that is what you wish to do. Taking someone off the update list and NOT telling them and WAITING for them to come to you about it strikes me as a bit passive-aggressive.

    Were you thinking that what you wrote would be topic starters in your conversations with you female bff?

    You're correct, people read what they identify with. Maybe your friend can't identify with what you're doing or going through right now.

  12. I think you should write really stupid stories about your girl best friend until she notices.

    But then I am a vindictive bitch and if people stop listening to me then I turn up the volume till it hurts.

  13. Kage-you're fantastic! Yay! Oh and I thought of you when I watched Trent get the Golden Globe tonight FYI :)

    Bruce-So excited to be hosting JADIP-we may have to do a circle jerk of blog love this week!

    Mollie-I have this terrible problem with caring what other people think. I'm 30 and you would think it would have disappeared by now, but it's still there, sadly. And I'm non-confrontational. I don't want to ask someone why they don't read my blog because, to be honest, I'm afraid of what they might say.

    It's not just the blog thing with her, it's so much more-this was just the rant du jour. Even if she did identify with it she wouldn't ever come out and say that. It's a long story, like I said.

  14. Sometimes the people we care about dont realise how if affects us with thier feedback. I keep my blog secret from my family because i dont want them "suggesting" or commenting. I know me, my whole blog would change because I would be looking fo thier approval. It can be frustrating at times, it can be very hard not to dance around the house when I get an award or a special moment.
    Those awards and comments in blogworld are special because nobody is forcing anybody to follow or comment. There is really no obligation. I believe there is no such thing s a "filler" post. You blog how you want, when you want. Your blog.
    Your comment on my post today had me smiling, first because you noticed and second that you too the time to say so. That is special to me.

    Hugs and smooches
    "Aunty" Mynx

  15. You are stuck with me too girl. I personally enjoy every one of your blogs because it is you. You are part of our family and we have to stick together. Tell it like it is.

  16. Ok first, I haven't been around in a while, and I'm so sorry for that. Been kinda "outta the mood to read blogs or write that much". But I'm hoping that I'll be back in full swing soon.

    Now, I know exactly how you feel when it comes to the outside bloggy land and how they don't get how much blogging means to us! Its a big deal for a new follower, when a follower drops, when you wait for those comments to come piling in and when you get an award!

    For me, I don't know but its a connection that you can be REAL with.

    Screw those who have no interest.!

    You rock and that my little minion is all that matters!


  17. I'll follow ya, girl! Chin Up! Your stuff is great. Come visit/follow me if you get a chance. BTW - My best friend doesn't read my blog, either, and it really peeves me off. Grr.

  18. Even the shallowest blog bares its writer’s soul to the audience.

  19. hugs and your blog is yours to do and say what you want i'm with Chief if they don't like it turn the channel. or in the words of Dr. Suess “Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.”

  20. Yes. I like my picture. Just so you know tho' - I wasn't named for my love of that brand of peanut butter. :)

    I like it, but [gasp] I am actually a JIF gal.

    Skippy came from something not peanut butter related. heehee

  21. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I believe that you write from the soul. Besides, who doesn't have fillers every now and again? You cannot possible have a story or an issue to write about every day. No one can. I love your blog, Hed and as long as you still love it, write whatever the hell you want.

  22. Hed - You just keep doing what you do. Clearly you get something out of it that makes you happy. And I think you're great at it. Obviously, I am not the only one who thinks so.... :o)

    Hugs lady!

  23. I can see why that would hurt your feelings. Both of their responses to your blog, or lack thereof. I'm continually amazed at one friend who gets bored at work and is always writing me these two sentence emails imploring me to email her back about my life. Like 1.) So she gets to put in two sentences and, in return, I'm supposed to entertain her? and 2.) I write a freaking blog!!! It's all about my life. If you cared even the tiniest bit and were bored, couldn't you read that?!?

    I'm glad you haven't let him change your perspective. It IS for you. It's an outlet, a community, a connection to other people like you, and it's totally yours. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.

  24. I agree with Jumble Mash - you write from the soul. I love reading your blog. Keep it up!

  25. Mynx-You said it...sometimes I SO BAD want to talk about things that I know will be read by my in-laws or my mom...and I can't because I don't want to hurt their feelings or make them upset.

    Sarah-HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so passive, but I wish I had your guts!

    Odie-Thank you! I love that you always read and listen and send me recipes <3

    CBG-Maybe some "outsiders" can't see how important writing is to us. I wish they could. I'm glad you understand what I mean!

    Dawn-hi and welcome! You would think as our best friends they would actually CHOOSE to read about us. Maybe it's just us?

    Drake-wait, are you calling me shallow or just being all wordy and English? :P

    Becca-one of my favorite quotes...I just wish I followed it more!

    Skippy-Jif! That's treason!!!

    JM-so if I started writing about plucking my eyebrows and stuff that would be okay, yeah? :)

    Heather-Thanks <3 I do really get something out of it, just as reading others' blogs gives me something as well, you know?

    FF-Ugh! Right? I practically put my whole life in here, so if someone asks what I've been up to or how I'm feeling, I tell them "read my blog". Not to be a butthole do I say that, it's just easier for me to write than talk!

    Stacey-Thanks <3

  26. Your friends just don't get the art of blogging because they don't do it themselves. You have your blog friends and blog friends understand what blogging is all about girlfriend! <3

  27. Twas a general comment, not targeted at a specific person. :P

  28. Morgan-I guess it would be like my friend and church. Or my other friend and his car buddies...something like that :)

    Drake-Hee hee <3

  29. That's funny. It's a personal blog but isn't supposed to be all about you. I love it!

  30. Exactly what you said. Follows are great. Comments are fantastic. But write for you, I'll write for me, that dude over there can write for himself. If someone wants to read, than YAY! If not, meh. I'm still going to write for me.

  31. It's okay to write whatever you want and feel whatever you want when comments or followers come... it's your blog. Those that you want around will be here regardless. :)

  32. Jules-right? I mean...really? :)

    Jen O.-It's hard now sometimes, I post my thoughts and people pitch in with their two cents or say I'm wrong or shouldn't be feeling/doing what I want when I'm merely posting HOW I FEEL so...meh!

    Jerrod-Welcome! That's how I feel as well about the other core bloggers I follow-I'd follow them if their posts were about peanut butter, you know?

  33. I feel that blogs relate more to strangers who become cyber friends than people you actually know in real life... don't know why it is but its just like that. I HAD a blog that I'd send repeated links to my family and friends, then gave up when I realized they didn't really read it. Now I'm anonymous and get to dish out the real stuff and love my blog so much more!

    And I really do like yours, so who needs 2 best friends when you've got all of us!

  34. I can kind of understand where your best friend (boy, reader of the blog) is coming from. Just in that the cheerleading and awards for the sake of awards in blogland gets to me. But mostly I hate it because many of the blogs this comes from are utterly content-less. I'm new here (from Studio 30) but yours seems like it does have something to say. I would come back.

    And I understand why your feelings would be hurt about your other best friend. But I think some people are blog people and some people aren't. My dad is my first reader every single post and my mom almost never takes a look. I don't really think it's that she loves me less (even though I tell her that sometimes).

  35. Nikki-Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and blog anonymously-but I have such a close family I feel like it would get out one way or another..

    Elizabeth-hi and welcome. I know what you're saying about awards and how some blogs are pointless, but I mean if they write about whatever it is they're writing about, I would think it means something to at least them, right?

    I just cleaned up my blog roll and stopped commenting on other blogs unless it's useful or an anecdote or something. I really do see your point in how some people aren't blog people (for shame!). Thanks for visiting, and I hope (most) of my blog posts are worthwhile :)


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