Contrary to what the title says, I wanted to congratulate my “Aunt” Mynx at Dribble... and my “East Coast Mom” Barb at This and That (as I bounce thru life) for hitting 100 followers this week-way to go, ladies! Also, respect to everyone this week who has received an award, whether this be their first or fifteenth. Now onto my rant.
Yesterday I was talking to my best friend about my other best friend and how much I just want to punch her in the face most of the time (it’s a long story, and it will be written down one day). I told him that when I texted her about moving back to Australia and to read my blog why (because 265 text characters just wasn’t enough enough), she never replied. She also never read my blog…ever, so I took her off the list to automatically get an e-mail when I publish a blog.
My girl best friend and I have a bond, but it’s never been a talking bond (she’s seriously Christina Yang-overachiever and never talks about her feelings), so I thought to myself, if Kato was to write a blog about her life, would I read it? You’re damn right. Every day. If I knew that it was hard for her to talk one-on-one about her issues yet easy to type it all out, I would have that shit linked to my phone even so it would beep when she posted and I could read it right away. I’m like that. Apparently, she’s not, so I stopped sending her my blogs. And two months later I have yet to get a response from her like “hey I don’t get your blogs anymore!”, and that bothers me.
So I’m venting this to my boy best friend, and he says “well Hed, I mean, your blog is pretty self-indulgent”. What the hell? OF COURSE IT IS! It’s my blog! Taken from Wiki: "The personal blog, an ongoing diary or commentary by an individual, is the traditional, most common blog. Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on life, or works of art. Blogging can have a sentimental quality. Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following.”
I explain to him that this blog means the world to me, and it’s a way for me to get out what I can’t normally. He says, “I understand, but a lot of your blog is filler. It’s like ‘yay, I got an award’ or ‘look at this clip’. If you’re going to do a blog, do it. If you’re just interested in a popularity contest and how many readers you have or how many people commented, then don’t. Post what’s bothering you. Post your issues. Post things that matter”. This made me ANGRY!
My bipolar blog had eight followers, and it was the most raw out of all my blogs because it was a BIPOLAR BLOG. When I would have my moments, I would write. When I did my Australia blog, I would post about Australia. When I moved home, I just decided to say f*ck it and combine the two. I’m not happy all the time, or sad (duh, I’m freaking bipolar), and it didn’t seem real if I tried to separate the two. So now we’re here, on Hed Above Water.
Along the way I would click on others’ blog links because I liked reading about other people’s lives. Other people are screwed up too, Hed I would think. I started following some. Others started following me. Cool, if they’re like me they only follow because they like what I have to say, or they can maybe identify with me? I don’t follow parenting blogs. I don’t follow blogs I don’t connect with. What’s the point?
I will totally admit when I would get a new follower my self-esteem rises a little. Or a comment-even if that comment is “nice post”. And awards? That’s like the coolest shit ever. Maybe outside the blog world they don’t understand that our community is a circle, and when someone finds you from someone else’s blog and understands you, it’s a wonderful thing. Again, these are all my thoughts…I could be wrong.
I write because I can. And now that I can, I have to or my brain will explode. I have this HUGE list of subjects I want to talk about-it’s now just about getting the words together to post them. And as for filler? I like my filler, thank you. “YouTube Tuesdays” are a small window into what cracks me up, or moves me. “Hed’s Friday Flick” is something I started because I love reading “average people” talk about movies they loved or hated without the movie critics’ eye. And my “Sunday Shortlist” is something I do when I have a list of awesome things that I want to talk about. What’s wrong with that? I have no life right now. I can’t talk about going to the club, or the bitch at work. I talk about what I know.
I decided after this post I am going to delete everyone off my auto e-mail list (except for my hubs, who has my blog linked to his phone so that when I post it beeps and he happily reads it right away-YOU ROCK, J!). If those people want to read my blog they can manually subscribe to my posts via an RSS feed. Or *cough* my Facebook page. I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want to read my blog reading it, or for it to be a chore. Screw that. The minute my writing becomes a bloody burden to read just walk away, okay?